I was listening to an audiobook today about rumination, and how to stop obsessively thinking. I tend to spiral on a daily basis, especially since my girlfriend and I broke up. Even if I was the one to end it nearly 6 months ago, I still feel this sense of dread when I think about the moment it happened.
I replay the night we split over and over in my head, like a never ending compilation of nails on a chalk board. It’s brutal, but I feed into it. Every. Single. Time. It hurts so fucking much. But if it hurts so much, then why do I keep thinking about it? Well, its because the pain has a sense of familiarity to it, according to the book. ‘Who would we be without our pain?’ is a question from the book that stuck with me.
We tend to cling onto achy memories as a badge of honor, a battle scar to remind us of how far we’ve come and how much we have endured. Speaking from personal experience, I sometimes feel that clinging to my insecurities and ruminating is what got me to this point in my life. I’m highly disciplined, so I correlate my obsessive thinking to my… success? That doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how my brain rationalizes the pain. ‘DON’T STOP THINKING. Its gotten you this far, right?’
The truth is that no amount of rumination will help. It does the exact opposite. It torpedoes your life. Maybe you don’t even realize how bad your thoughts are fucking up your life because you’re so used to them at this point. Once you learn to not give into every thought that pops into your brain and just simply observe it for what it is, you drastically change your outlook on life. You stop identifying with all of the negativity thats constantly carouselling around in your head. And if you’re anything like me, this is happening all fucking day.
It may feel impossible to calm your head, especially if you’re so used to being in your head. But there are exercises you can do to train your brain to not spiral. The same way you train a muscle to grow, you train your brain to resist falling into a cavernous pit: Over time. If you are struggling, be patient, give yourself grace, and know that things WILL work out eventually.
PS. the book is called ‘Can’t Stop Thinking’ by Nancy Colier
Lock in motherfuckers. Tomorrow is a new day.
PJ 